What if.....
February 26, 2012
So, it dawned on me this quiet, snowy morning, as I sipped at my coffee and watched the last bit of Moonstruck that was playing on tv, that I'm leaving in four weeks. FOUR WEEKS! I'm going to Belgium - alone - in four weeks. What have I done? What am I doing? I think I might have even had a little anxiety attack about it, to tell you the truth. Yikes. One Month Belgium. Alone.
I know it's a great adventure. And I think, deep down, that I'll probably have the most amazing time. But the execution of it - the actual getting there - is completely overwhelming me today. For the most part, since I booked my trip, I've pushed the reality of it of out my brain. I was stressing so much about booking the trip - should I, shouldn't I - that was it was done, I just stopped dwelling on it. Today, again, I'm back to dwelling on it. What have I done? What am I doing? And I have a knot in my stomach.
So many 'what ifs' are playing through my mind. What if I get sick? What if I get lost? (Okay, not that one so much, I do have a good sense of direction thanks to my Dad, but still, nothing will be in english. The chances of getting myself re-oriented are significantly less) What if I get on the wrong train? What if I have a horrible time? What if I get abducted on my maybe Paris day trip? (Again, far fetched, I know, but I do worry about this) What if I hate my own company after Day One? What if I get hit by a bus and my family is far away and there's no one to help me? What if, what if, what if.
There is no going back. I know that. It's planned and booked and paid for and I'm going. But, what if? How about this? What if I have the best experience of my life? What if my whole outlook on life changes because of this trip? What if I meet new friends? What if I see the colourful tulips blooming in The Netherlands? What if I eat the most amazing chocolate I've ever had? What if I realize one of my dreams and see the Eiffel Tower? What if I love it so much, I don't want to come home? What if I discover the origin of Frenched Fries? :P What if?
So, I am trying to look at the positive of this crazy idea of mine, and not freak out too much. But guess what? Today I am freaking out a bit. Remember how I wrote about having a bawl in a public toilet somewhere in Europe? I'm not exacty bawling today, I'm just a little overwhelmed at what I've committed myself to. Can I really do this? I guess I have no choice - I'm doing it. And it will either break me or prove that I can do anything. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and yes, I am putting that song on the Belgium playlist!). This won't kill me, I know that. But I think it will test my limits. That's not a bad thing. Just scary.
Wow, this has turned into quite a serious post. Wasn't expecting that, readers. But there you have it. You said you wanted to read about all the preparations. This is all part of it. What if. Tell me your what if's. T, what if......... Share all the what if's I haven't thought about. I need some more stuff to obsess over, because clearly I like to torture myself. hehehe
T.
xx
PS: Next time we'll talk about something funner. Promise. :)
I know it's a great adventure. And I think, deep down, that I'll probably have the most amazing time. But the execution of it - the actual getting there - is completely overwhelming me today. For the most part, since I booked my trip, I've pushed the reality of it of out my brain. I was stressing so much about booking the trip - should I, shouldn't I - that was it was done, I just stopped dwelling on it. Today, again, I'm back to dwelling on it. What have I done? What am I doing? And I have a knot in my stomach.
So many 'what ifs' are playing through my mind. What if I get sick? What if I get lost? (Okay, not that one so much, I do have a good sense of direction thanks to my Dad, but still, nothing will be in english. The chances of getting myself re-oriented are significantly less) What if I get on the wrong train? What if I have a horrible time? What if I get abducted on my maybe Paris day trip? (Again, far fetched, I know, but I do worry about this) What if I hate my own company after Day One? What if I get hit by a bus and my family is far away and there's no one to help me? What if, what if, what if.
There is no going back. I know that. It's planned and booked and paid for and I'm going. But, what if? How about this? What if I have the best experience of my life? What if my whole outlook on life changes because of this trip? What if I meet new friends? What if I see the colourful tulips blooming in The Netherlands? What if I eat the most amazing chocolate I've ever had? What if I realize one of my dreams and see the Eiffel Tower? What if I love it so much, I don't want to come home? What if I discover the origin of Frenched Fries? :P What if?
So, I am trying to look at the positive of this crazy idea of mine, and not freak out too much. But guess what? Today I am freaking out a bit. Remember how I wrote about having a bawl in a public toilet somewhere in Europe? I'm not exacty bawling today, I'm just a little overwhelmed at what I've committed myself to. Can I really do this? I guess I have no choice - I'm doing it. And it will either break me or prove that I can do anything. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and yes, I am putting that song on the Belgium playlist!). This won't kill me, I know that. But I think it will test my limits. That's not a bad thing. Just scary.
Wow, this has turned into quite a serious post. Wasn't expecting that, readers. But there you have it. You said you wanted to read about all the preparations. This is all part of it. What if. Tell me your what if's. T, what if......... Share all the what if's I haven't thought about. I need some more stuff to obsess over, because clearly I like to torture myself. hehehe
T.
xx
PS: Next time we'll talk about something funner. Promise. :)
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